Sex With Your Ex: When Is It A Good Idea?

Whether a phone call away or an unexpected encounter’s seeming twist of relationship fate, the opportunity to have sex with your ex can be a titillating one, especially if you’re feeling a bit sultry, have been crawling the walls with libidinal urges, or, quite simply, if it’s been a long time since you’ve rock’n’rolled. It can be all the more tempting to be intimate if your ex was the BEST lover you ever had – the one you still have lascivious daydreams and red hot fantasies about.

Having sex with an ex-lover, no matter how shallow or deep and intimate the relationship status, can be very tricky territory – and in taking care of yourself you need to make sure you consider your next move on all levels. If you had strong feelings before, they’re likely to surface again. If your parting was fairly recent, intimacy is likely to rehash feelings that may still be there, no matter how deeply buried in your soul. The more in love you were (or maybe still are), the more of a temptation it will be to recapture the good times – and the riskier it is going to be to go down that path again, and still keep yourself emotionally protected. Plus, time and absence can make the heart grow fonder, causing you to forget some of the reasons you’re no longer together. So if you don’t trust yourself with this person, don’t go near the situation. Your ex needs to respect you and be on your level. If you’re not on the same page as far as desires beyond the moment, then it’s a no win situation. Sleeping with someone is highly unlikely to change any of the present circumstances, only making your healing harder.

Still, probably the biggest reason not to have sex with your ex: Will you be able to get on with your life if this is no more than a love affair’s curtain call? Is the moment of unbridled pleasure really going to be worth recycling the hurts, issues, and drama – the past? If you find yourself answering “no,” (1) stick to your guns and create a list of all the reasons you broke up to begin with; (2) be firm and know that your rejection may cause your ex to want you even more; and (3) be honest with yourself, exploring how you’re really going to feel after the fact and if it’s going to be too emotionally painful to bear. Further, consider your motives and those of your ex. Are they just physical? Is that what you really want?

Now there are certainly times when sex with your ex isn’t such a bad idea, especially if your break up was fairly amicable and mutually desired. And there are times when a couple has unfinished business, perhaps having broken up because of issues out of their control, the timing was bad, they still miss each other, and they still think there’s a chance they’re meant to be together. In such potential reconciliation cases, sex can be one way to reconnect and let your passions be known. The rule in such cases, however: PROCEED WITH CAUTION. If your ex is wanting more, is promising more – even if he or she has the best of intentions – if your former love was the main reason you’re no longer together in the first place, no matter who broke up with whom, take things slowly until that ex has taken the steps to change – and shown you proof - to get to a better place. Sleeping with your ex won’t change the personality you’re dealing with, won’t change what went wrong in the relationship, won’t make things better, won’t be a guarantee to a future, and won’t change the ex status. Furthermore, if there is chance of a second dance, if it’s not over, if it’s meant to be, greater intimacy will be had further down the road – and will be all the more amazing since you won’t be burdened with any anxiety or insecurity.

All in all, the only situations that are easily cut out for sex with your ex are if you both just want to sexually (not emotionally) gratify each other; both of you have no expectations beyond this moment; and you’re able to compartmentalize the sex from everything else in your life. Satisfying a need with someone who feels familiar may be just what you need, and that’s for you to decide. If you don’t have needs beyond that, then you should be okay.

Source: www.loveandhealth.info